|
| I feel like my life is going a little crazy right now. Not only am i about to graduate from college, but i am on the verge of breaking it off with my girlfriend of 6ish or so years. I feel that it is a necessity, because i simply just dont care to be around her anymore. I feel much more at ease when i'm not around her, and i know i have a better time. It's just hard though because we have known each other for so long and even though i dont feel that i am in love anymore, i will always have love for her and i dont want to hurt her. I also know that breaking up will devastate her, but we've been on and off for the last year, and i know things have changed between us forever.
And now there is this other girl who i know is interested in me, and im interested in her too. We hung out some about two weeks ago, and every minute i spent with her i enjoyed. I told her how i felt about her, and i was very relieved and excited when she told me that she felt the same way. But now i'm afraid that it was a mistake. I dont regret spending time with her, and i dont wish that i didnt feel this way towards her either, but i kinda wish now that she didnt feel the same way. She knows about my girlfriend and she knows about the trouble we're having, and i know that she doesnt want to get involved with someone who has a girlfriend. I would never ask her to do that either. She's so sweet, she wished the best for me and my girlfriend. I feel now that i have played with her feelings, that i lead her on to something that cant happen. I really hate myself for that. I dont mind if i get hurt in this, ill manage, but i didnt want her to get hurt at all. But i couldnt keep that from happening and i know its my fault.
I think that it would be best for me and my girlfriend to move on once i graduate, but i still need to find a job somewhere. I dont want to have to more so far away, but im afraid that if i stay close she will just follow me once she graduates.
I really dont know what to do right now, but i hope i figure it out soon.
| | |
| High school's about to end. My very last day is Monday, May 16, 2005. I will go to school, enjoy what last moments I will have with most of those people, and then leave and be done with it forever. And then what? I know there's the summer. But that will be over in the blink of an eye. Come August I, along with many of the best friends that I have ever had, will be leaving for college to begin an entirely new phase of our lives. And what of all those friends who are not graduating yet? Is this truly the last time that I will see them again? Of course we can keep in touch in the summer. But after school starts back up, another year of high school for them and my first year of college for me, will we still talk then? Will we even have time to talk? What will time and distance do to these friendships that I have grown to love and adore over the years? It's hard to say. I guess we will just have to trust in each other to make the effort to keep the friendship alive. I'm really not sure what i'm trying to accomplish with this update. Just needed to release some of these feelings. | | |
| I've got some new pictures up on photobucket. They're from christmas at my friend travis's house and from a retreat my youth group went on to savannah. http://photobucket.com/albums/v244/jr_turismo/ Later. | | |
| Alright, update time. So swim season finally ended for me. It's somewhat depressing; this might be the last time i swim on a team. Oh well, I had some good times. The last practice was fun since we played water polo against evans. Im glad I was goalie; i did not want to go up against that one evans girl. She was brutal! She would claw all over people just to get to the ball(ask Brian Gardner, damn), and then whenever I blocked one of her shots on the goal she would let out this shriek. It was something a demon would be proud of. And then there was the evans coach. This guy was big, strong, hairy, and a very good water polo player. His were the only shots i couldnt block. Now that swim team's done, ive decided to be on the track team. This is my first time, but i wanted to do something different before I graduate. Today was my first practice. I choose to be with the short distance sprinters. It was kinda fun, but my leg muscles are really sore. Im glad im coming right from swim season to track, otherwise this would be horrible. Well, thats it for this update. Ill talk to all of you people later. bye | | |
| I signed up at photobucket and loaded my halloween and powderpuff game pictures on it. Its nothing new if you saw them before on my xanga, but now you guys can check them out if you want. Here's the site http://photobucket.com/albums/v244/jr_turismo/ Thats it. Everyone be good. | | |
|
